


And I Can't Control Following You

by primreceded



Category: American Idol RPF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-08
Updated: 2010-07-08
Packaged: 2017-11-15 23:00:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/532728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/primreceded/pseuds/primreceded





	And I Can't Control Following You

**Title:** And I Can't Control Following You  
 **Rating:** pg13  
 **Fandom:** Kradam  
 **Disclaimer:** All characters are real people, story is a bizarre fantasy. I am in no way earning money or other profit from this fanfic.  
 **Char/Pair:** Kris Allen, Adam Lambert, OMC - Kris/Adam onesided/preslash  
 **Prompt:** Secrets @ [](http://www.insanejournal.com/users/kradam_ai/profile)[](http://www.insanejournal.com/users/kradam_ai/)**kradam_ai** 's Summer challenge  
 **Spoilers:** None, high school AU  
 **Warnings:** Very mild language.  
 **W/C:** 3,807  
 **A/N:** First Kradam fic, eep. Unbeta'd. I wanted this to be set during the birth of skate/longboarding but it didn't want to go that way, so it went this way instead. And these boys didn't want to stfu so there might be more to this at some point. OMC may or may not be based on Jackson Rathbone who I have recently learned is nice to look at :P

  
Kris can hear the sound of the skateboard’s wheels slapping against the pavement before he even exits the school and he grins as he hitches his guitar onto his shoulder and bursts out of the double doors into the afternoon sunlight. Adam’s around the corner by the bike racks just like he has been every day for the last two weeks since Kris started his summer classes, waiting for him. Kris had told him he didn’t have to do that, the first day he found the other boy outside the school. Adam had just shrugged, no big deal.

“Need the practice anyway,” he’d said before pushing off and rolling down the sidewalk, arms flung out to either side as he tried to keep his balance.

Kris hears the skateboard clatter to the pavement and Adam’s colorful swearing greets him as he rounds the corner, as well as Adam’s bent form as he retrieves his board.

“Man, you suck.”

“You’re the only boy who complains,” Adam drawls and straightens, tucking his board beneath his arm.

Kris’s mouth drops open and his eyes go wide when he gets a good look at his friend’s hair. Adam’s constantly changing it up, playing with the cut and style but this is the first time he’s ever messed with the color and it’s shocking. His usual blond hair is now a deep black, eyebrows dyed to match, and the color makes his freckles and sharp blue eyes stand out even more.

“Holy shit,” Kris says with a laugh before stumbling closer to tug on a lock of Adam’s hair. “Did your mom flip?”

“Only ‘cause I used her dye. You like it?”

Adam twirls to give Kris a 360° view and then frowns down at him, worry in his eyes, as Kris takes a step back to give his friend a once over. Kris has no idea how Adam can be so confident and yet so self-conscious at the same time but somehow he manages. It makes Kris want to both punch Adam and hug him at the same time.

“Eh,” he says with a grin. “It’ll do.”

Adam swipes at him with one big hand and Kris doesn’t even attempt to dodge it, or shrug it off when it settles on his shoulder. He‘d be lying if he said he didn‘t welcome the touch. These feelings for his best friend are new and he has no idea when they started, if falling in love with Adam was a gradual thing he never noticed or if he just woke up one day and decided to fuck up a really awesome friendship by being incredibly stupid.

But it’s not like he’ll ever tell him, or anyone else for that matter. Because he’s not Adam. Adam with his crazy hair and crazier clothes who everyone loves, even when they’re not sure why they’re supposed to. He’s just Adam and that’s the only explanation he needs for people to fall at his feet.

And not everyone can be born to understanding parents, a couple of ex free-love hippies who stopped sowing their wild oats when Adam came along but who still live by the rules that say everyone is equal. And while Adam was raised right it doesn’t mean others have been, or that Kris has the courage to even tell them. Not when he’s spent Sunday mornings since as far back as he can remember learning about fire and brimstone and _judgment_. He figures he can keep quiet about it until he’s out from under his parents’ thumb and living on his own. Only one more year and he’s off to college.

But as far as his feelings for Adam go, that’s another story. The thought of his friend finding out makes Kris want to throw up. It’s no secret Adam is gay; he doesn’t make it one, wouldn’t be able to if he even wanted to hide. But even if the other boy were straight, it’s _Adam_. He’d reel Kris into a hug and tell him everything would be okay. It’s not the gay thing Adam would have a problem with. It’s one thing to be accepting of your best friend liking boys, it’s something else entirely when it’s _you_ they’re fantasizing about. So Kris keeps quiet, admires from afar and does his level best to get the fuck over it.

Adam really doesn’t make it easy, though.

“I can’t believe you actually volunteered to spend extra time in school. I thought I raised you better.”

They start walking away from the school, towards home, and Adam drops his hand from Kris’s shoulder to hop back onto his skateboard, keeping pace with Kris’s footfalls. He never goes anywhere without that thing, and Kris doesn’t see the point of it. He’ll be getting a car soon, and then he can drive Adam wherever he wants without the threat of him cracking his head open and bleeding out all over the pavement. Adam’s parents are supportive while quietly hoping it’s just a phase he’s going through, but Kris doesn’t think it is.

“It’s just music lessons. I want to be good,” Kris says after a moment.

“You _are_ good,” Adam tells him before pushing off working his board up to a good speed. He ollies onto the sidewalk and grinds along the curb a good foot and a half, the furthest he‘s been able to go since he started skating. He pulls out and successfully lands back into the street, arms flung in the air in triumph.

Kris laughs and jogs to catch up with him.

\---

Saturday dawns bright and blue and finds Kris following along behind Adam to the park. There’s a little area behind the swings designated for skating, with half pipes and rails and whatever else an aspiring boarder might need. There are only a few other people there, still too early for the rest of town to be awake and Adam runs off to join the handful of other guys that are already rolling around on their own boards while Kris plops himself into a patch of grass beneath a tree, guitar at his side.

Kris watches them for a while as they skate around. The other boys are better than Adam but his friend doesn’t let it intimidate him or slow him down and pretty soon he’s landing nearly every trick, pulling cleanly out of the jumps.

It had taken Adam a while to get used to the board beneath his feet, but once he’d found his grace he was something to watch. And Kris likes to watch. Adam’s thinned out over the last few months and with his broad shoulders narrowing down to slim hips he should look too tall and ungainly atop his board but he doesn’t. He’s kind of beautiful. Adam perfects everything that he does and Kris knows it’ll only be a matter of time before skateboarding becomes another one of those things he’s amazing at.

The scraping of the boards along concrete lulls Kris and he stretches out along the grass, one hand curled protectively over his guitar. With squinted eyes he watches the clouds pass overhead until sleep pulls him under.

He dreams of things he can’t have. Of Adam beneath him, spread out on the spiky green grass, panting and sweaty from the sun baking down on them. Kris has his face pressed to the curve of Adam’s neck while he grinds his hips into the other boy’s lap and it feels better than it should for a dream.

He’s jerked awake by his own loud moan and blinks against the sunlight, the dream still muddy in his mind. He doesn’t think he’s been asleep too long, maybe only fifteen minutes.

“Nice nap?”

Kris jumps once again, sitting up straight and turning towards the voice. He has to look up and shield his eyes from the sun to see who is talking to him and even still it’s hard to get a good look with the bright sun at the other boy’s back.

“I wasn’t like, creepily watching you sleep or anything,” the guy says. He points to the ground, probably asking for permission to sit and when Kris nods he does so.

“So you were just regularly watching me sleep?” Kris asks and the other boy laughs as he settles in across from Kris to lean against the tree.

“I guess I was. I’m Jackson,” the boy holds out his hand and Kris takes it, offering his own name. He takes the time to study the boy, now that he can properly see him. He’s got a crooked smile and thick, messy hair that Kris maybe wants to run his fingers through to see if it’s as soft as it looks. Green eyes study him intently until they shift over Kris’s shoulder.

“You play?”

Kris lets go of Jackson’s hand to turn and grab his guitar. He sets it in his lap and instinctively checks the tuning as he shrugs.

“I’m still learning,” he says.

“Play me something,” it’s not a request and Kris knows he’ll probably end up doing it, not wanting to disappoint this new boy for some reason. He protests anyway, on principle.

“I don’t think so…”

“Come on, if you’re no good I promise I‘ll only laugh on the inside.”

“Yeah, that’s not really as reassuring as you think it is.”

Jackson grins at him, scoots closer to Kris, side to side with their knees touching, and he leans back on his hands so he’s out of the way of the guitar neck. Kris takes a deep breath and tries to ignore the heat pressing into his leg.

He’s never played for anyone outside of his music teachers at school and Adam. Which is stupid, because he actually wants to maybe do something with this whole guitar thing one day, not to mention the singing and the occasional song writing, but he hasn’t quite worked up the nerve to perform in front of a more critical audience.

But here’s his chance with this random boy who popped up out of nowhere and who he’ll probably never see again. Jackson is silent at his side as Kris runs through a few chords, trying to decide which song to play. When he finally chooses he trips over the beginning but it all eventually smoothes out. It’s soft, sound quiet enough he can still hear the distant scrape of the skateboards on the concrete and he looks up in time to see Adam bail on a quarter pipe, frustration evident as he stomps after his board.

Kris looks away, closes his eyes and finishes out the rest of his song. He lets the last few notes hang on the air and when he’s done he grins, happy with the way the song went, relieved that it’s over.

“That was really good, man,” Jackson tells him and Kris grins wider, shrugs.

He sets his guitar off to the side before turning to face the other boy. They chat for a bit and Kris finds he’s relaxing and enjoying himself. They have a few things in common, similar taste in music and movies and he’s easy to talk to. There’s no constant reminder that he has to be careful with what he says, or how he acts, afraid to give something away. It’s more comfortable than when he talks to Adam, and the thought immediately makes him feel guilty.

“So are you just here for the summer, or--”

“Hey.”

Kris startles when Adam speaks, the other boy having come up behind him without Kris noticing, and he feels himself flush in embarrassment. Kris twists to glare up at him and Adam’s grinning but he’s got one eye on Jackson where he’s sat next to Kris.

“Jesus, Adam,” Kris says. “Scare the shit out of somebody why don’t you?”

“It’s not my fault you’re a chicken.”

“Yes it is!” Kris tells him, jumping to his feet. “Don‘t you remember when we were five and you jumped out at me wearing that mask?”

He pokes Adam in the chest, and scowls up at him in mock-indignation but Adam just rolls his eyes and tightens his grip on the skateboard under his arm, fights the smile Kris can see tugging at his lips.

“I should probably go.”

Jackson has stood, hands brushing the dirt from his pants, body turned away to leave and Kris feels himself blushing again, having forgotten all about the other boy. He turns back to Jackson to apologize and Adam slips his arm over his shoulders, tugs him closer. It’s something that happens all the time, but this time it feels different, sees Jackson’s eyes flit to the point where Adam’s thumb brushes Kris’s collarbone and wonders if it looks as different at it seems.

“It was nice meeting you though, Kris. Maybe we’ll run into each other again.”

“Yeah man, I’ll see you around,” Kris says, saddened that their conversation has been cut short, and a little annoyed at Adam for having interrupted.

Jackson gives a small wave before walking away and Kris waits until he’s out of earshot before shrugging Adam’s arm from his shoulder and turning to glare up at him.

“That was rude, Adam.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Adam replies before turning around and walking away from Kris. His long stride eats up the grass beneath him and Kris has to jog to keep up.

“You were practically glaring him into the ground. You didn’t even say hello.”

“He was flirting with you.”

It’s barely a whisper and Kris only hears it because he’s so used to Adam, could probably pick out his voice in a crowded room. Which Kris is sure says a lot about their relationship and even more about Kris’ dependency issues but it is what it is for now.

“We were _talking_ , Adam.”

“He was flirting with you, you’re just too young and naïve to see it.” Adam pokes him in the shoulder and there’s a smile on his face but it doesn’t reach his eyes and Kris frowns at him.

“Well so what? You flirt with me all the time.”

“That’s different.”

“Why?”

“It just is!” Adam shouts, stops in his tracks to shoot Kris a look, pleading and desperate. He sighs, runs a hand through his dark hair and Kris wants an answer _right now_. “Just forget it okay? I’m sorry for being an ass.”

Kris swallows hard, and nods. He doesn’t really want to drop it, wants to find out what Adam’s problem is because it’s something important, he’s sure of that. But he won’t push, that’s the worst thing he could do.

Adam grins at him, says “Good,” before hopping onto his skateboard and taking off down the street.

Kris doesn’t chase after him this time.

\---

There’s only one week left of summer classes and then Kris is free for almost a month. He plans on sleeping through most of it, only waking up for food and maybe some video games.

Adam’s been in a weird mood since the day at the park, has stopped meeting Kris after school and Kris can’t get a reason out of him no matter how hard he tries. His friend just shrugs and makes up some lame excuse that Kris can see right through before changing the subject. It worries Kris, but it also pisses him off.

When Kris pushes through the double doors on Wednesday and neither sees his friend nor hears the scrape of Adam’s board on the pavement he makes up his mind. If he’s done something to push Adam away he has the right to know so that he can fix it.

Adam lives only a few doors down from Kris, has since as far back as Kris can remember. Their parents had met at a block party and he and Adam beneath the table filled with cookies and lemonade the whole time, giggling and telling stories. Even at four years old Adam was larger than life and Kris was hooked from then on.

He drops his guitar off at home before continuing onto his best friend’s house. They’re all the same, short and square, one story and bigger inside than out. Different color splotches set in the middle of green tidy lawns, a throwback to the good old days. Adam’s is a light blue while Kris’s parents repainted theirs a deep red two summers ago.

He doesn’t think Adam will answer when he pounds on the door. His parents are out, driveway devoid of both his dad’s pickup and mother’s Accord and Adam could easily pretend he went with them. But Kris sees his skateboard through the panes in the door and even if he were to have gone with one of his parents in their car he would have taken it with him. Kris knocks again, louder this time, determined, and a minute later Adam’s opening the door with a grin.

“Can I help you, sir?”

“Yeah, you can stop being an asshole.”

Adam sighs but steps back to let Kris in before heading down the hallway towards the living room. Kris closes the door behind him, not stopping as he follows behind. Adam throws himself down on the couch, remote in hand as he flips through the channels on the television. Kris huffs before stomping over to stand in front of it. He’s aware of how petulant that is, but he doesn’t care at the moment.

“Could you move?”

“No. Tell me what your problem is.”

“Other than you standing in front of the television?”

“Don’t be cute, Adam,” Kris says. “Why have you been ignoring me?”

Adam flips the television off before tossing the remote onto the coffee table and sitting up. Kris crosses the room to sit next to him and waits quietly for his friend to respond.

“I haven’t been ignoring you, I’ve just been thinking.”

“Okay, thinking about what?”

“You‘ve never been very good at hiding secrets, you know,” Adam says, speaking to the toe of his socks and not to Kris. Kris goes tense, his brain screeching to a halt at Adam’s words. “You’re not the only one who has them.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Come on Kris, I’ve been your best friend since you were four, did you really think I wouldn’t notice your affinity for boys?” Kris doesn’t say anything, staring over Adam’s shoulder instead of looking him in the eye and Adam sighs. “Did you really think I’d hate you if you told me?”

“Everyone else would.”

“I’m not everyone else.”

“Exactly! You’re not. And I’m not like you, this isn’t as easy for me.”

Kris can see the moment Adam goes from neutral to angry, sparks in his blue eyes like a flash.

“Nobody’s life is easy! The oceans don’t part when I step into the street Kristopher, I have to fight just like everyone else. You think the kids at school _let me_ walk down the hallway? I had to earn that privilege.”

“I didn’t know. I’m _sorry_!”

“This isn’t a competition, Kris.”

They’re quiet for a moment and Kris processes everything Adam’s just said. He hadn’t ever realized how hard it was for Adam to just be, he always made it look so easy and Kris never had to question it because Adam never did. He should have noticed when his friend was having problems and he feels like crap for letting it just go overlooked.

“Why haven’t you been talking to me? What did I do?”

“You didn’t do anything,” Adam says. He shifts uncomfortably and Kris wants to reach out to stop his fussing hands. “I was jealous of the boy at the park, of the attention you were paying him. I didn’t like it.”

“So you stopped talking to me. That makes no sense.”

“You’re my best friend and I always want you around but, I don’t want you to not hang out with someone else, to not _date_ someone else because I want you to pay attention to me. So I thought maybe if I left you alone for a little while you’d realize that you could have other people in your life besides me. It sounded like a better plan in my head.”

“Your head is a scary place, I could have told you that.”

Adam laughs and Kris feels the tension in his shoulders lessen. He hadn’t expected this when he came to Adam’s and he’s not sure what to do with the information, with his impromptu outing but he’s sure they can work through it all and move on. It’s what they do.

“Are we okay?”

Adam’s quiet, _shy_ and it’s a bit of a roll reversal that Kris finds he doesn’t like at all.

“Of course we’re okay, we’ll always be okay.”

Adam grins at him before grabbing the remote from the table again and sitting back against the couch, effectively dropping the subject. Kris settles in next to him and watches his profile while Adam channel surfs. Kris thinks there’s probably more to what Adam says but he won’t push, and if Adam wants him to make more friends then he’ll try, but he doesn’t really want anyone else.

“I haven’t seen him again you know,” Kris says, watching Adam’s reaction. Kris tells himself he just imagines the quirk of his lips.

“Oh.”

“Will you ever tell me your secret?” Kris asks him, even though he thinks he’s already figured it out.

Adam turns to look at him then, gaze steady, searching Kris’s face for something.

“Maybe one day.”

\---

The last day of summer classes finds Kris pushing out of the double doors earlier than normal. Too hot to do much of anything besides sticking to the plastic chairs in the band room and the teacher shoos them all out with a wave of his hand. There’s no noise besides the chirping of the birds and the occasional car rushing the street and Kris finds he’s okay with that.

He’s rounding the corner out of the school when he hears footsteps racing up behind him. He stops to see Adam jogging to catch up and he waits for his friend.

“What are you doing here?” He asks, surprised but happy to see his friend. Things seem to be semi back to normal since their talk and Kris is grateful.

“Oh you know, I was in the neighborhood, thought I’d swing by and pick my little boy up from school.” Adam falls into step and ruffles Kris’s hair jokingly and Kris pushes him away.

“You’re such an ass,” Kris says without any heat. He grabs Adam’s skateboard and drops it before climbing on and taking off down the sidewalk, arms flung out to the side to try and keep his balance. Adam’s laughter follows him all the way home.


End file.
